Category: Mental Health

Find Relief from Anxiety with Mindful Meditation

Find Relief from Anxiety with Mindful Meditation

Mindfulness and meditation help individuals gain mental clarity. It also helps to manage stress and improve their understanding of themselves and their surroundings. As depicted in the photo, meditation focuses on “Live the Moment.”

One of the many types of meditation is Mindfulness. Mindfulness is paying attention to the present moment without judgment. It involves awareness of one’s thoughts, emotions, sensations, and environment. Included in this is accepting them as they are. Mindfulness can be practiced daily, for example, by paying full attention to what you do, such as eating, walking, or listening to someone. There are also formal mindfulness practices, such as mindfulness meditation.

Meditation is a way to focus on the mind and avoid intrusive thoughts. Mindfulness meditation is just one form of meditation. The idea is to sit upright in a straight-back chair or on the floor. The way to avoid thinking is to focus on breathing. Each time thoughts intrude, and that happens often, we refocus on breathing. Most people begin the practice of meditation with twenty-minute sessions. Then, the time is increased to thirty minutes or more.

There are many benefits to meditation. For example, it can activate the body’s relaxation response, helping to reduce stress. It’s also been associated with increased well-being and happiness. Findings show it can improve memory, attention, and decision-making skills. Research has linked it to reducing insomnia and improving sleep. 

Guided meditation is a technique used to help people relax and focus their minds. It involves listening to a professional on a recording that leads the listener through mental images and calming thoughts. Guided meditation reduces stress and anxiety, promotes relaxation, and improves overall well-being. This practice is often used as therapy or a personal growth and development tool. It can be done alone or in a group setting and tailored to meet individual needs and preferences.

Walking is a simple and accessible form of physical activity that offers a multitude of health and mental health benefits. Below are some of the notable benefits.

Walking can:

  1. Improve heart health. It can lower the risk of high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and heart disease by helping to improve circulation and strengthen the heart.
  2. Burn calories and can help maintain or lose weight with a balanced diet.
  3. It helps tone the muscles and improves the strength and flexibility of joints. For people with arthritis, it can be especially beneficial in easing pain and stiffness.
  4. Walking helps improve balance and coordination, which can reduce the risk of falls in seniors.
  5. Help lower blood sugar levels and improve the body’s sensitivity to insulin, which benefits people with type 2 diabetes.
  6. Help boost the immune system, making the body more adept at fighting illnesses.
  7. Combining physical activity, fresh air, and nature can have a calming effect on the mind.
  8. Help with better sleep.
  9. Allow the mind to wander, and may lead to increased creativity and improved problem-solving skills.
  10. Being with friends or in groups can provide social interaction that benefits mental health and creates a sense of belonging.

Incorporating walking into one’s daily routine can be a simple and effective way to enhance physical and mental health. 

I use guided meditation. There is an app that I use called “Calm.” While you can subscribe for free, the sound quality of the paid version is far superior. Meditation is used for a variety of purposes. Those purposes are listed in Calm, where the subscriber can select from various purposes. There are meditations to calm stress, reduce anxiety, promote sleep, walk in the woods, and many more. The user can select from a variety of lengths of time. For example, the time ranges from ten to thirty minutes. The people who guide the meditations are experts at what they do. Many of them are well known.

Meditate. It’s the best medicine of all.

dransphd@aol.com

Sleeping and Dreaming

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

The above is a quote made by Hamlet. The play Hamlet is filled with metaphors about dreams, ghosts, and death. It is a Shakespearean play, and I encourage the reader to learn more about Hamlet. For now, we are focusing on the importance of sleep and dreaming.

Dreams, a Brief History:

Why do we dream? Dreams have interested people since ancient times and, most probably, long before. Most of us know the Old Testament Biblical account of Joseph and his many colored coats. Joseph could interpret dreams and help rescue ancient Egypt from famine by interpreting Pharaoh’s dream that there would be five years of rich harvests followed by five more years of famine. According to the bible, Pharaoh then had Egyptians store wheat and other foods to prepare for the five years of famine.

Jumping ahead to the late nineteenth and twentieth centuries, Sigmund Freud found new meanings in dreams. According to Freud and his psychoanalytic theory, dreams represent wish fulfillment of those desires and strivings we find unacceptable in our waking state. Dreams, according to psychoanalytic theory, are metaphors, symbols, and riddles which can be understood with the help of a psychoanalyst using that same theory.

Towards the end of the twentieth century and into the twenty-first, psychology veered away from psychoanalysis because it was impossible to measure the results of psychoanalytic practice. Demanding clear-cut, verifiable results, the mental health community and the public demanded procedures that could more quickly end mental suffering. At that point, cognitive-behavioral psychology eclipsed psychoanalysis as a set of techniques that reduced anxiety and depression while being verifiable in all controlled studies.

A common human folly is to “throw out the baby with the bathwater.” Thankfully, we have recovered from an extreme position and value emotions, dreams, behavior, and cognition again. Even cognitive-behavioral psychologists admit that dreams have meaning. But they reject the psychoanalytic interpretation of dreams.

But do Dreams Have any Meaning? 

Recent research into the structure and functioning of the brain has given us a clearer understanding of sleep and dreaming. Thanks to modern MRI and related technology, studying the brain and the movement of thoughts along its billions of neurons has been possible. We now know that sleep is a complex phenomenon and is vital to our physical and mental health. In addition, we know that dreaming is essential to our mental health. 

People deprived of sleep and the opportunity to dream have risked becoming temporarily mentally ill. We also know that the brain continues to work hard at night, busily running our bodies through the complex network of the nervous system. In addition, thought processes during the REM stage of sleep (Rapid Eye Movements) continue and reveal themselves through the dream process. We also know that the brain is computing and resolving problems we have been wrestling with for many days. That is why people sometimes wake up in the morning and suddenly realize they have found the solution to a problem that has plagued them for some time.

Among the problems the brain continues to cope with during sleep and the REM stage of sleep issue from the previous day, which it connects with similar issues stored in its vast memory store-house dating back to our earliest childhood.

So, in answer to our question: “do our dreams mean anything? ” The answer is yes. The meaning may not lie in the strict Freudian interpretation of wish fulfillment of unacceptable wishes but in meanings, issues, and problems that we have struggled with from yesterday to our earliest life.

A Fuller Understanding of Dreams:

Dreams are a natural part of our sleep cycle and can provide insight into our innermost thoughts, feelings, and desires. The psychological importance of dreams has been a topic of interest to many researchers and theorists. Here are some of how dreams may be psychologically significant:

  1. Processing emotions: Dreams may process emotions we experience during waking life. They allow us to work through difficult emotional experiences in a safe and controlled environment.
  2. Creative problem-solving: Dreams can be a source of inspiration for creative problem-solving. Many artists, writers, and scientists have reported that their dreams have helped them develop new ideas and solutions to problems.
  3. Unconscious desires and fears: Dreams may also reveal our unconscious desires and fears. They may provide insight into what we truly want or what holds us back in our waking lives.
  4. Memory consolidation: Dreams may also play a role in memory consolidation. They help us integrate new information and experiences into our long-term memory.
  5. Evolutionary significance: Some theories suggest that dreams have had an evolutionary significance, helping our ancestors prepare for potential environmental threats or challenges.

Overall, dreams remain a fascinating area of research, and scientists continue to explore their many psychological and neurological functions.

 

What is the Self?

What is the Self?

Me, Myself and I

DEFINITION

Reference to one being alone or succeed by oneself. Self-absorbed. Using all references to oneself underlines that no one else is involved, just you.

“Yes, I’m home alone, just me, myself and I.”

 

How often have you heard someone complain that they do not feel like themself today? Or, He has low self-esteem. Or I have low self-esteem. Another variation of the self is that she thinks a lot of herself.

There is also self-concept. People think of themselves as extroverted or introverted, conscientious or irresponsible. Self-concepts include other dimensions, such as gender, ethnicity, and nationality. There is also a social dimension to the self. The social dimension of the self rests on a person’s interactions with others and how those people view the other person’s self.

It is important to know that the self is a mental model, an idea, a concept, or a way of thinking. One definition of the self is that it refers what how you judge yourself, how you think others judge you, how you imagine and think about your body, and what you believe others think of you. As a matter of speaking, the self refers to what it’s like to be you.

The self is a term we constantly use. We refer to self-esteem, self-concept, self-image, and others. Yet, what is meant by this? In actuality, the self refers to these things. It refers what how you judge yourself, how you think others judge you, how you imagine and think about your body, and what you believe others think of you. As a matter of speaking, the self refers to “what it’s like to be you.” The self is a mental model of yourself, an idea, a concept, or a way of thinking.

What it is like to be you is something that is not static. It shifts from the experiences you have encountered. It is fluid, and it changes. However, there needs to be more solid about the self. It cannot be in your body. It’s not in your brain the way the hippocampus is. There is no way to point at it. In reality, it’s a construct, an idea, a mental model you have of yourself, an idea, a concept, or a way of thinking. This construct, the self, also rests upon the various roles we play in life. Roles such as daughter, son, father, mother, grandparent, and worker all form pieces of a puzzle that, together, form the self.

Because no one else on earth experiences things the way each of us does, each self is unique. That is why the self can be referred to as the individual. You, the reader, are an individual, unique, and as varied from the other readers as possible. Two people can’t have the same experience because it feels different to each of us.

As stated above, the self changes. It changes all the time. It is positive because that fact gives us the power to change. For example, meditation and mindfulness allow each person to realize the self and appreciate the complexity of yourself.

What is your self-concept? What do you think of yourself?

Your comments are welcome

Remembrances of Things Past

Did you ever have the experience of returning to the house where you grew up? If so, did you have the experience that the house and its rooms were much smaller than they seemed when you were a child? Did you remember the backyard as very large only to discover, as an adult, how small it was?

There is a case study of a man who decided he wanted to visit the old neighborhood when he reached the age of sixty. He had several reasons for wanting to do this. For one, he had nostalgic feelings about the old place. When he and his friends got together, there was a tendency to reminisce about life back then. The theme was about the “good old days” and how those were the best times compared to the world now. He hoped to recapture memories of his parents and extended family. Maybe just turning seventy-five was reason enough for wanting to go back.

However, the outcome of his visit was not good. The old neighborhood was gloomy and narrow. The old friends no longer lived there; his parents and grandparents were gone. The neighborhood felt like an empty shell of what he remembered. He remembered that this was why he moved away and onward with his life. He returned feeling depressed and empty and vowed never to do that again. 

He realized those were not the “good” old days, but the “good” days are right now. Maybe, for some people, memories are better than reality. Indeed, the saying, “You can’t go home,” is true, at least for himself. If there is any concern about violating confidentiality, that man is me.

There are three reasons people visit their childhood homes:

1. They have a wish to reconnect with their childhood. Because many things from the past are forgotten, there is a hope that, by returning, they will recapture essential memories.

2. Some individuals going through a crisis or problem need to reflect on their past. They want to reevaluate how they developed their values and what led them to make their decisions.

3. Because of having lived through abuse and trauma or having suffered from some abuse or trauma, there is a hope that by returning to the site where these things happened, they can both find closure and leave with a sense that they have healed.

 People romanticize memories but soon discover nothing was romantic about the places in which they spent childhood. If they were happy there, they could not recapture that happiness. For those who experienced abuse and trauma, the visit brought back pain rather than closure.

Too much time is spent living in the past or worrying about the future. A consequence is that we cannot appreciate it now. As Thich Nhat Hanh, the great Buddhist teacher of meditation and mindful living, points out, we will never have this moment again, so live it, experience it, and be in the moment.

How many of us sit around during the holidays and listen to stories shared by your loved ones, such as grandparents or parents? Have you witnessed the emotions expressed by your loved ones? Listened to the details of the story? Even if you have heard the story before, you need to be an attentive listener because reminiscing serves a purpose in older adulthood.

The Stigma of Being Aged

The Little Boy and the Old Man

Said the little boy, “Sometimes I drop my spoon.”

Said the old man, “I do that too.”

The little boy whispered, “I wet my pants.”

I do that too,” laughed the little old man.

Said the little boy, “I often cry.”

The old man nodded, “So do I.”

But worst of all,” said the boy, “it seems

Grown-ups don’t pay attention to me.”

And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.

I know what you mean,” said the little old man.”

Shel Silverstein

Encapsulated in this quote are some issues with which the elderly, such as those in their seventies, eighties, and nineties, must cope. For most, aging brings diminished physical strength and capability, loss of loved ones, feelings of no longer being relevant or connected to the real world, and fears of being ignored. The many unresolved conflicts and struggles earlier in their lives are also brought into old age. The result of this is that many older people become depressed. Many people who are younger and depressing attempt to self-medicate their problems through alcohol and drug abuse.

The aged can become addicted to drugs and alcohol, and it’s insidious because people believe that it’s not possible incorrectly. Therefore, they drink and abuse drugs secretly and alone.

For many years, it was the belief that psychotherapy could not work for the elderly because they are set in their ways and find therapy stigmatizing. After all, that was the attitude towards psychology when they were young. However, attitudes toward mental illness have changed, including among older persons. 

Today, many older people are more than willing to enter psychotherapy. They are seeking psychological help late in life. They want help on how to cope with age and their relationships with family and still unresolved issues from the past. In addition, some older adults want therapy to help them deal with the present and behavior. Psychotherapy works for the elderly because of wanting to be free of depression and relieve social isolation. Group therapy benefits those who feel alone and derives benefits from talking with others. 

It is essential to know that aged people are not necessarily miserable and sick. Today, more people not only live longer than ever before but remain vital and involved in life.

Examining some ways older people are stereotyped and stigmatized is essential.

The Nature of Jealousy

Othello, the Moor of Venice is a tragedy by William Shakespeare. 

 In Othello, the hero Othello succumbs to jealousy when Iago convinces him that Desdemona has been an unfaithful wife. Iago uses jealousy against Othello, yet jealousy is likely the source of Iago’s hatred. In the end, Othello murders his wife and then kills himself.

“Often confused for one another, jealousy and envy are very different. Envy describes a reaction to wanting what someone else has. You might envy someone’s success, good looks, or a new car. Jealousy describes an emotional reaction to feeling that someone might try to take what you feel should be yours.” 

Many wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, and husbands talk about the fact that their husband or boyfriend is insistent that they are having an affair. These women feel overwhelmed and frustrated with their lovers because they try as hard as they can, but they cannot convince them of the errors in their thinking. The more they attempt to convince their lover that there is no cheating, the angrier the lover becomes. 

The brilliant and classic example of a jealous lover is Shakespeare’s towering and tragic play, “Othello.” Here is one quote of Othello expressing his despair about his wife, Desdemona. He is convinced that Desdemona is having an affair.

Othello:

“She’s gone. I am abused, and my relief

Must be to loathe her. O curse of marriage,

That we can call these delicate creatures ours

And not their appetites! I had rather be a toad

And live upon the vapor of a dungeon

Than keep a corner in the thing I love

For others’ uses. Yet ’tis the plague of great ones;

Prerogatived are they less than the base.

‘Tis destiny unshunnable, like death.” (III.iii.267–279)

Othello is convinced that his wife, Desdemona, is unfaithful.

He cursed marriage and women. Ultimately, he strangles her to death and unwittingly falls into the deadly hands of his enemies. He also learns, too late, the error of his thinking and kills himself.

A Modern Example of Delusional Jealousy:

The following is an anonymous E.Mail from a woman who found me via the internet. Her question is a modern-day version of delusional jealousy:

Anonymous E. Mail:

“I ended a relationship with a man who seems to suffer from this morbid/delusional jealousy issue and is also diagnosed Bipolar. After ten days with no contact with him, I have now received a message from him out of the blue saying that I am “sooooo busted,” implying that he has learned something new that somehow proves his belief that I was unfaithful to him. I am not dating now, have been basically only at home working and hiding since the breakup.”

 

“He is a brilliant man and is 50 years old with responsibilities and accomplishments. It is difficult for me to reconcile this crazy behavior with what I know about him. I keep thinking that if I could just reason with him he will finally break through. But after so much reasoning that only led to more insanity and our eventual breakup, I know it gets me nowhere and seems to make him even angrier.”

Discussion:

Jealousy is a complicated human emotion. It is based on love, hate, paranoia, insecurity, and self-hate. In this quote and elsewhere in the play, Othello shows his self-hatred by comparing himself to a toad.

It is essential to point out that jealousy can be a normal human emotion experienced by most people at least once. Jealousy becomes a problem when it refuses to diminish in intensity and when the thinking of the jealous individual is fixed on that one idea.

It might be difficult to believe that jealousy can be based on love. However, the jealous individual wants to possess their lover completely. They believe the loved one is so lovable that others may steal her away, resulting in tragic abandonment and loss. 

Yet, jealousy is also based on hatred. The loved one is viewed as having power, choice, great beauty, and will leave. In this thinking, one must carefully guard the loved one, or the loved one will go astray.

The fixed paranoid, delusional thinking of this type of lover can be symptomatic of a more serious mental illness. In the E. Mail sample above, the former girlfriend reports that her ex-lover was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. In the throes of a manic or deeply depressive phase of the illness, a Bipolar patient can become quite delusional and even experience hallucinations. 

Having Bipolar Disorder does not mean that a person will have a jealous delusion, nor does having a jealous delusion mean that a person has Bipolar Disorder.

The fixed delusional jealous thinking is marked by the constant suspicion that the loved one is guilty of infidelity. This paranoid delusion is accompanied by constantly harassing the loved one with questions and accusations about how they spent the day, where they went, and with whom they spoke. In the worst cases, the jealous spouse attempts to control their partner’s life and intrudes into every aspect of their life, looking for evidence of cheating. As in Othello, the jealous delusion can cause murder.

Some argue that a delusion did not plague Othello because his enemies planted the idea in him that Desdemona was unfaithful. In contrast, a jealous delusion is based on no evidence at all.

A fixed delusion is precisely what the term implies. It is fixed, meaning an individual will not budge from their belief. Because the belief is delusional, protests of incense only provoke more suspicions. It is additionally essential to point out how our E. Mailer complains that her boyfriend became increasingly angry the more she insisted on her innocence.

Jealousy is a complicated human emotion. It is based on love, hate, paranoia, insecurity, self-hate, and low self-esteem. It is essential to point out that it is also a normal human emotion experienced by most people at least once. Jealousy becomes a problem when it refuses to diminish in intensity.

It might be difficult to believe that jealousy can be based on love. However, the jealous individual wants to possess their lover completely. They believe the loved one is so loveable that others may capture them, resulting in tragic loss. It’s a great compliment to be with someone jealous because of the value they place on their partner.

Not so fast, though, because jealousy is also based on hatred. The loved one is viewed as having power, choice, and the ability to abandon and leave the partner. The loved one must carefully guard the loved one, or they will stray.

But why would the jealous person fear their partner will stray? The answer is that, from the point of view of the jealous individual, any competitor is more masculine/feminine, handsome/beautiful, sexy, and appealing than they are. The jealous person believes that any other choice of lover is better than they are. Of course, there is a lot of self-hatred, insecurity, and low self-esteem in how the jealous person thinks.

Sometimes there is a paranoid and obsessive component to jealousy. For people who suffer from paranoia, there is a constant suspicion that others mean them no suitable. This type of paranoid jealousy is marked by constantly harassing the loved one with questions and accusations about how they spent the day, where they went, and with whom they spoke. The paranoid lover will check the cell phone messages of their lover and their E. Mail messages and postal envelopes and letters. This person is obsessed with their partner and is tortured with fear that nothing good is happening. In the worst cases, they attempt to control their partner’s life, preventing them from going anywhere or doing anything. For example, a husband who experiences paranoid jealousy may prohibit his wife from getting a job and going to work. In effect, he stifles his wife in every way.

For those suffering from jealousy, it’s essential to enter psychotherapy and work on why you are jealous and how it interferes with your thirty-year marriage. If your paranoid beliefs are genuinely delusional, medication might help relieve some of this thinking. In addition to individual psychotherapy, with or without medication, I would suggest marriage therapy so that the two of you can begin to resolve your differences, suspicions, and conflicts. Also, understand that you and your wife each deserve the opportunity to see other friends and engage in activities apart from one another. A successful marriage is based on mutual trust.

A Discussion of Self-Hatred

Karen Horney:

“Stress is often a result of the tension between what is and what you believe should be. It’s called the “tyranny of the shoulds,” which dictates how we think, act, and feel. These “should” beliefs—are referred to as Icebergs… Stress is often a result of the tension between what is and what you believe should be.”

In my work as a psychotherapist for forty years, I have come across countless people who are extremely unhappy with themselves. The reasons for their dissatisfaction vary, but the overall impact is that they feel depressed. Theodore Isaac Rubin, MD, and Psychoanalyst, addressed this self-dissatisfaction in a book, “Compassion and Self Hate.” 

Dr. Rubin borrows from a great psychoanalyst of the mid-twentieth century, Karen Horney. Horney asserts that we have three selves:

1. Actual Self: Who we are with our physical and emotional abilities and disabilities or limitations.

2. Real Self: Who we could be if we freed ourselves from our self-dislike and unrealistic fears.

3. Despised Self: Self Effacing and very neurotic.

4. Idealized Self: The illusion of glorious goals that are impossible to achieve but that we believe we should achieve.

Dr. Rubin reduces this formula to two selves, the Actual Self and the Real Self:

1. Actual Self: Who we are with all of our talents, limitations, and illnesses, both physical and psychological.

2. Real Self: The illusions we believe in about who we should be, be wealthy, powerful, lovable, and independent.

The extent to which we hold on to illusions about our Real Self is the extent to which we reject our Actual Self and feel self-hate.

For example, an individual may cherish the belief that they should be happy. After all, pursuing happiness is guaranteed in the U.S. Constitution. 

But what is happiness? Happiness is feeling comfortable and relatively free of stress. However, we can sustain happiness only for a limited time. The problem is that life is not perfect, and moods change. The illusion that one should always be happy creates self-hate. If someone clings to the illusion that they should always be happy and are not, they will condemn themselves for not achieving this goal.

Perhaps the fact that people hold on to unrealistic beliefs about themselves explains the reason for the epidemic of addiction. Substances offer a temporary escape from reality that causes a person to feel joyful and omnipotent. The self-hate reasserts itself when the drug wears out, and then there is reality.

To continue the analogy of the drug abuser, the sense of self-hate and wish for joy that propels the addiction also serves as a powerful source of self-punishment. Drug addiction carries with it lots of physical and emotional abuse.

There is a commonly held idea that money can solve all problems. Many patients have told me they would feel free of their problems and suffering if they had enough money. However, real-life tells us a different story. False beliefs about money often lead to self-hate in another way.

Lots of people love to play the lottery, hoping to become millionaires. We read about poor or working people winning the lottery and going home fabulously wealthy. Oh, how many of us wish for the same fate? You know the old saying, “Be careful about what you wish. It may come true.” The fact is that the lives of many people who won the lottery ended in tragedy. Some of them spent every dollar they won and became bankrupt. Others committed suicide, became addicted to drugs, or suffered some abysmal fate. Money did not solve their problems. Yet, we convince ourselves that it will solve our problems and beat ourselves for not earning or winning a fortune.

The same phenomenon occurs with marriages. Some individuals enter marriage with grandiose expectations of how their lives will improve. These expectations often involve perfect bliss, constant sexual fulfillment, and a regular flow of nurturing and love. However, actual life is not this way. Yes, marriage can bring lots of satisfaction and many problems and difficulties. For example, married couples disagree and quarrel, have to cope with difficult children, and have problems with work, family, and friends.

The more significant the gap between expectations and reality, the greater the sense of disappointment, bitterness, and failure we will experience.

Self-hatred encompasses continual feelings of inadequacy, guilt, and low self-esteem. People may constantly compare themselves to others, perceive only the negative, ignore the positive, and believe they will never be “good enough.” But every person has worth, value, and the ability to cultivate self-love.

 If you’re struggling with hateful thoughts, reflect on what sparked them. Did you make a mistake at work? Did a recent dinner with a friend lead you to feel envious? Identifying these triggers can allow you to diffuse them the next time they arise.

Beyond immediate triggers, one can often trace self-hatred’s roots to environmental circumstances such as hypercritical parenting or personality traits such as perfectionism. Once feelings of worthlessness take hold, they can be challenging to release; the stories that form around early experiences can become deeply entrenched. But there are still many ways for people to confront self-criticism and develop a strong sense of self.

 

The Terror of Death and Mortality

“Every day is a new beginning.

Take a deep breath,

Smile and start the day.” author unknown

The purpose of this blog article is not to be morbid but to remind all of us of the importance of living life fully.

Human Beings are unique in being self-aware and therefore understand the inevitability of death. That awareness presents us with an existential crisis. 

From the beginning of time, people have asked themselves the existential question, “If I am doomed to die, what is the point of my life?” It is a terrifying question, and different people have attempted to answer it differently.

Those who are deeply religious deny there is an existential crisis because faith brings the achievement of an afterlife. For these people, life is not limited but continues for all eternity. 

According to Ernest Becker, in his book “The Denial of Death,” most people put the notion of death out of their awareness and go about living without thinking about their mortality. However, sometimes the fact of death breaks through to their conscious minds. When that happens, they become temporarily terrified until the crisis passes and they achieve a new balance. What causes mortality to break through to consciousness? The death of friends, relatives, and loved ones confronts even the greatest deniers that life is finite.

Depression and Anxiety

Some seem to have difficulty denying the fact of death. Among these are individuals who struggle with panic and anxiety disorders and various types of depression. Today, we can look at many of the causes of these disorders and find such factors as chemical imbalances in the brain, traumatizing childhoods and adulthoods, and such problems as neglect, abuse, and addictions.

Because of a better understanding of the causes of emotional disorders, we have significantly improved treatments with medications and more precise types of psychotherapies.

Yet, we overlook the importance and even reality of each person’s existential crisis. I believe this crisis lies at the roots of depression and anxiety, besides those factors already mentioned. If this is true, what can we do about it besides medication and psychotherapy?

We each need to find meaning in our lives. As Irvin Yalom, MD states in many of his writings, meaning comes to us through interpersonal relationships.

Yalom states that the realization and knowledge that we positively influence others can provide a sense of meaning in our lives. However, many people do not realize that they have an enormous influence on the lives of others. Whether they are friends or family, they are essential to us, and we are important to them. There are also the relationships with those at work and those we casually meet while walking in the street, riding the bus or train, and shopping in the supermarket and clothing store. That is why loneliness is so deadly.

The pursuit of materialism is one activity many people engage in to fill themselves with a sense of gratification. However, though temporarily exciting, feelings of emptiness return. The unquenchable thirst for buying unnecessary items comes from a sense of meaninglessness, which then causes the feeling of inner emptiness.

 Each of us is unique, and we are loved and valued by the important people in our lives.

As John Donne said it centuries ago:

“No man is an island, entire of itself…any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.”

Donne meant three things:

1. That none of us are isolated because we are all interconnected,

2. We are all aware of death,

3. One man’s death diminishes all humanity.

 

Our Existential Crisis and Violence in America

A sense of meaninglessness has set in among many of our young people resulting in increasing numbers of mass murders and homicides throughout the nation

“Although I’m only fourteen, I know quite well what I want. I know who is right and who is wrong. I have my opinions, my own ideas, and principles. Although it may sound pretty mad from an adolescent, I feel more of a person than a child. I feel quite independent of anyone.” Anne Frank.

An existential crisis refers to feelings of unease about meaning, choice, and freedom in life. Whether referred to as an existential crisis, or existential anxiety, the main concerns are the same: that life is inherently pointless, that our existence has no meaning because there are limits or boundaries on it, and that we all must die someday.

Existential anxiety arises during transitions and reflects difficulty adapting, often related to losing safety and security.

 For example, a college student moving away from home or an adult going through a difficult divorce might feel that the foundation on which their life was built is crumbling. This can lead to questioning the meaning of their existence.

I hear more people asserting that we are approaching not only the end of the United States but of humanity. There seems to be a pervasive feeling that there is no future. What accompanies this dismal way of viewing life today is that life has become meaningless. Perhaps this is the real reason there are ever-increasing numbers of mass shootings. There is a term for this sense of emptiness, and it’s anomie.

Anomie is defined as personal unrest, alienation, and uncertainty. It comes from a lack of purpose or ideals. What is fueling these awful, empty feelings? People often cite such things as climate change, the Russian invasion of Ukraine, China’s increasing military might, economic problems, racism, the Pandemic, social media’s negative influence, and the prevalence of guns in our society.

None of this is to suggest that these problems are unimportant. Instead, it’s a mistake to retreat into the hopeless belief that life has no meaning. It’s incumbent on each of us to find meaning in life. Existential psychotherapy aims in that direction. 

Finding meaning in life is fundamental to finding a purpose or set of personal goals for ourselves. It is also vital to transmitting our values and meanings to our children.

In feeling that life has no meaning, people transmit that hopeless way of thinking to our children.

Values and Ethics

An essential part of the meaning in life has to do with values and ethics. The University of Texas defines values and ethics in this way:

“Ethics can also refer to rules or guidelines that establish what conduct is right and wrong for individuals and groups. For example, codes of conduct express relevant ethical standards for professionals in many fields, such as medicine, law, journalism, and accounting.

“The term values are individual beliefs that motivate people to act. They serve as a guide for human behavior.

People are predisposed to adopt the values they are raised with. People also believe that those values are “right” because they are the values of their particular culture.

Ethical decision-making often involves weighing values against each other and choosing which values to elevate. Conflicts can result when people have different values, leading to a clash of preferences and priorities.

Still, other values are sacred and are moral imperatives for those who believe in them. For example, for some people, their nation’s flag may represent a sacred value. But for others, the flag may just be a piece of cloth. Sacred values will seldom be compromised because they are perceived as duties rather than factors to be weighed in decision-making.”

From Politico Magazine:

Early childhood trauma seems to be the foundation, whether violence in the home, sexual assault, parental suicides, or extreme bullying. Then you see the build toward hopelessness, despair, isolation, self-loathing, and often rejection from peers. That turns into a really identifiable crisis point where they’re acting differently. Sometimes they have previous suicide attempts.

What’s different from traditional suicide is that the self-hate turns against a group. The hate turns outward. They ask themselves, “Whose fault is this?” Is it a racial group, women, religious group, or are my classmates? There’s also this quest for fame and notoriety.

Taken from an article published in Politico:

https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2022/05/27/stopping-mass-shooters-q-a-00035762

Making Life Meaningful Begins at Home:

An important fact deeply connected to mindless violence and meaninglessness is that we must begin with young children by teaching the essential values of morals, ethics, respect for life, and empathy for others.

Empathy for the plight of others is very positive and powerful. In it, the empathetic person can imagine being in the place of the troubled person and feel what they feel. In fact, empathy precedes compassion. Empathy occurs immediately and leaves no emotional room between the individual and the one suffering. Empathy without compassion leaves the individual drained of energy because of feeling what the other feels. 

None of this implies that there is anything wrong with empathy. Simply put, we need a combination of empathy and compassion to be most helpful to people.

Existential Psychotherapy

The theory behind existential therapy helps people explore life’s difficulties from a philosophical perspective. It suggests that your source of inner conflict is the confrontation you have with the issues of life. Instead of looking back into your past, look at the here and now. Try to get meaning out of any given situation. In doing so, you can end the fear of the unknown that grips you way too often. The bottom line of this therapy approach is to encourage you to take responsibility for your success.

America and American families must face the existential crisis among young people. If not, mass murders will continue, and racism and other forms of intergroup conflict.

 

Aging and Learning From Life

Aging, Learning, Wisdom

This is too good not to share.
I asked a friend who has crossed 70 and is heading towards 80 what changes he feels in himself? He sent me this:
Humanity.

1. After loving my parents, siblings, spouse, children, and friends, I have now started loving myself.

2. I have realized that I am not “Superman.” The world does not rest on my shoulders.

3. I have stopped bargaining with vegetable & fruit vendors. A few pennies more will not break me, but it might help the poor fellow save for his daughter’s school fees.

4. I leave my waitress a big tip. The extra money might bring a smile to her face. She is toiling much harder for a living than I am.

5. I stopped telling the elderly that they’ve already told that story many times. The story makes them walk down memory lane & relive their past.

6. I have learned not to correct people even when I know they are wrong. The onus of making everyone perfect is not on me. Peace is more precious than perfection.

7. I give compliments freely & generously. Compliments are a mood enhancer not only for the receiver but also for me. And a small tip for the recipient of a compliment, never, NEVER turn it down, just say “Thank You.”

8. I have learned not to bother about a crease or a spot on my shirt. Personality speaks louder than appearances.

9. I walk away from people who don’t value me. They might not know my worth, but I do.

10. I remain calm when someone plays dirty to outrun me in the rat race. I am not a rat, and neither am I in any race.

11. I am learning not to be embarrassed by my emotions. It’s my emotions that make me human.

12. I have learned that it’s better to drop the ego than break a relationship. My ego will keep me aloof, whereas, with relationships, I will never be alone.

13. I have learned to live each day as if it were the last. After all, it might be the last.

14. I am doing what makes me happy. I am responsible for my happiness, and I owe it to myself. Just choose to be! You can be happy.
Happiness is a choice.

I decided to share this with all my friends. Why do we have to wait to be 60 or 70 or 80? Why can’t we practice this at any stage and age?

 

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