Multiple Miscarriages, When Tragic Things Happen to Good People
- “Sometimes the bad things in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.” anonymous.
- “My child has left this world before making their grand entrance and stealing the show. Now the stage is empty, curtains drawn, and house lights are on. The show was over before it even had the chance to begin. I’m sitting in the audience. No control over the production. Not directing, but just a mere spectator of my own life. Of my unborn baby’s life, that never will be. Like me, the stage is empty. The seats are empty. The show is over, and I’m not ready for it to be. As I’m ushered out of the theatre, disappointed and in disbelief at the performance or lack thereof, I have so many questions. How could this be? How could it be over before it even really had the chance to begin? Will I ever have the chance to see the performance again? Will I ever even want to enter the theatre again? Then I see. I see another spectator equally torn up about what had just occurred. It is my husband. He also bought a ticket to the show. I remember I am not truly alone. I am not empty. As I look around, I realize the lights on me. I am on my stage and performing my own life. I see my family and friends in the audience smiling up at me. I first turn away, ashamed, but then remember I am the star of this show and can act it out in any way I please. I take a breath, take my husband’s hand, take my first steps and tell myself: the show must go on.”*From miscarriagehurts.com/stories
- Grief, It is watching your friends and cousins announce births and pregnancies, wanting to celebrate with them but instead burying your face in the pillow and sobbing all night. It is losing your friends. They don’t know what to say around you, so they stop calling. You sit in the cold stairwell of a building during your first week back at work, and you wrap your arms around your knees and drop your head and sob, wailing for the loss that keeps growing.” Carrie Goldman *From Psychology Today.
Emotional Reactions to Multiple Miscarriages
Why do bad things happen to good people?
I am keenly aware of the bitter irony that some people seek abortions. Others cannot get pregnant or hold the pregnancies fail. Did anyone say that life is fair?
The journey to parenthood is a dream for many individuals and couples worldwide. This dream sometimes encounters heart-wrenching obstacles. Miscarriages often lead to a cascade of profound emotional effects. Grief, uncertainty, guilt, fear, and sometimes hope accompany multiple miscarriages. Where miscarriages occur repeatedly, the emotional trauma can be intense and challenging.
At the core of the emotional aftermath of multiple miscarriages is the profound sense of grief. This grief is multifaceted, enveloping the loss of a potential child and the envisioned future of parenthood. Each miscarriage intensifies the grief, making it a complex, accumulating emotional burden.
One of the immediate emotional reactions to multiple miscarriages is a feeling of uncertainty and fear. This uncertainty can affect mental health, relationships, and overall well-being. The repeated losses can leave couples in constant anxiety about future attempts at the possibility of a successful pregnancy.
It is common for individuals to have feelings of self-blame. Along with grief and fear is guilt, which can come from an overpowering feeling of failure and inadequacy.
The Road to Resilience and Hope
Despite the overwhelming emotions associated with multiple miscarriages, it is important to hope.
There are countless stories of successful pregnancies after multiple miscarriages. There is the possibility of eventual success. Stories serve as beacons of hope for those navigating the stormy seas of recurrent loss. They can provoke terrible feelings of jealousy and hopelessness.
Psychotherapy and support groups play a crucial role in this journey. Professional help can provide tools to manage emotional turmoil. In contrast, shared experiences within support groups can provide comfort and a sense of belonging. They remind those going through this ordeal that they are not alone.
Alternative Ways to Have a Baby From Yale Fertility Center*
Gestational surrogacy may be best if a woman cannot carry a pregnancy. Also called a surrogate, a gestational carrier is a woman who carries and delivers a child to a couple or an individual.
Surrogate mothers are impregnated through in vitro fertilization (IVF). In this process, doctors create an embryo by fertilizing eggs from the intended mother or an egg donor with sperm from the intended father or a sperm donor. Because the gestational carrier doesn’t provide the egg, she is not genetically related to the child.
Yale Fertility Center has achieved successful results for couples for over 20 years.
An adoption is an option for those with children who wish to adopt another child or those who do not want a pregnancy but choose to adopt.